


Count down to kiss me

by missing_fawkes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Has a Crush on Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, College | University Student Castiel (Supernatural), Coming of Age, Countdown, Crushes, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Falling In Love, Fireworks, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:07:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22308406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missing_fawkes/pseuds/missing_fawkes
Summary: They sit in silence after that. Cas is looking at the sky again. The clouds have broken, the stars are finally visible and not for the first time is Cas enchanted by their infinity.The final minutes of the year are quickly passing by, but Cas doesn't mind the fact that he's spending them out here beneath the sky instead of inside where the party continues to rage on.All this time Dean doesn't say a word and when Cas drops his gaze to check if the man is still beside him, he finds Dean watching him with a soft look on his face and a warmth in his eyes that has his face heating up.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66
Collections: Destiel Instagram One Shot/Art Contest - January 2020





	Count down to kiss me

The sky is dark and starless, the clouds covering it in its entirety except for a small rift through which the moon peaks shyly.  
Cas smiles up at the darkness above him, closing his eyes to focus on the cold January wind that breezes over his cheeks and makes him shiver in the best way possible.  
It's the last night of the year and his heart leaps at the prospect of new beginnings.  
December 31 is his second favorite day of the year, right after January first.  
It's when the year says goodbye with one final bang, colorful explosions illuminating the sky and even though he knows all about the negative effects of fireworks, Castiel can't help but be enraptured by its ephemeral beauty.

Which is the only reason why he agreed to go to Balthazar's party.  
Since half the city is invited anyway, Balthazar has the largest -and only- firework spectacle of Starsbridge.  
Normally Castiel has no interest in such gatherings, but most of his friends are going too and he does not want to celebrate the New Year with his parents - as much as he loves them.  
Although he considered the possibility for an embarrassingly long amount of time, until Meg threatened to show up at his house and drag him to the party in his sleeping pants if he really decided not to come in favor of hanging out with his parents and their friends.

"Cassie!," a shout interrupts his musings and before he can even open his eyes, an arm is flung over his shoulder and he finds himself very close to the party's host, "I'm so glad you could make it. I was afraid you'd spend the night elsewhere."  
The way he says it makes it sound like Castiel had planned on participating in either dangerous or sexual activities tonight rather than dreaming of still being holed up in his room, eating unhealthy amounts of crisps and popcorn while watching reruns of his favorite movies.

Castiel rolls his eyes at the innuendo.  
"I figured it was unfair to deprive you of my company."  
It is meant as a joke, but instead of sarcastic he sounds dead serious and Balthazar laughs so hard, Castiel can hear his rips aching.  
"Well, I'm glad you decided to do us all that favor," Balthazar wheezes, once he is able to contain his laughter, "however, I should now go and return to my duties as a host. You know where everything is."  
Castiel gets another clap on the back and with that his friend is gone and he stands alone in the giant entryway of Balthazar's mansion.  
He actually has no idea where anything is, so he decides to follow the faint sound of music that gets louder with each step he takes away from the front door.  
A wave of noise and hot air hits him when he walks into the living room and even though he arrived fairly early, there are people everywhere.

People by the fireplace.  
People on the couch.  
People sitting around a giant table that would fill up half of Castiel's childhood bedroom.

Castiel scans the crowd for familiar faces, but doesn't recognize anyone.  
He internally debates whether lurking at the door or wandering aimlessly through the crowd will make him look less pathetic and is seriously entertaining the thought of returning home, when his gaze is met by piercing green eyes.

Dean Winchester is standing only a few feet away and Cas immediately drops his gaze to the ground.  
The other man is as gorgeous as Castiel remembered him to be.  
Cas used to have a crush on him when they were in high-school, but he wouldn't be surprised if Dean didn't remember him.  
The few times they spoke they got along well, but it didn't happen often enough for them to become friends and they never moved past school related topics.

Cas is so engrossed in studying the hardwood floor beneath his feet that he doesn’t hear the approaching footsteps, until someone comes to a halt beside him.

"Heya Cas, long time no see," the voice next to him is warm and deep and that's enough for Cas to lift his head and smile.

"Hello Dean."

The bright grin he is rewarded with for just saying these two little words, makes Cas' heart leap in his chest.

"Oh good, you remember me," Dean chuckles and if Cas didn't know better he'd say that Dean sounds nervous, but of course that cannot be true.  
"Would've been awkward if you didn't."  
Dean rubs the back of his neck and stares at his feet and Castiel needs a moment to fully understand the words he just heard.  
Dean thought Cas wouldn't remember him.  
How is that even possible?  
How could anybody forget Dean Winchester?

He clears his throat in order to break his incredulous stare.

"Yes ... no ... well, I do remember you."

Smooth as crunchy peanut butter, you're doing great Cas.

Thankfully Dean doesn't comment on Cas' eloquent commentary and takes a sip from the beer bottle Cas didn't even notice he was holding.

"Thought you looked a little lost there, buddy and I figured I'd keep you some company while you wait for your friends," Dean says. "Only if you want to, of course. Otherwise just tell me to get lost."

Dean has moved closer to be heard over the music, so their shoulders are touching now and Cas has a hard time to focus on his words rather than the non-existent distance between them.

He rubs his sweaty palms on his jeans.  
"I appreciate your company and I think it would be rather unfortunate if you got lost," he declares and that seems to calm Dean's nerves a bit, because he nudges Cas' shoulder with his own and sends another lopsided smile his way.

"Thanks Cas."

The silence between them is companionable, but Cas finds himself scrambling for something to say. He desperately wishes for their conversation to continue and curses his useless brain for its emptiness.

This is his chance to prove to himself that he is no longer the shy kid from highschool.  
That he has changed.  
That everything is different now.

Yet the only thing his brain is able to focus on is the fact that Dean's shoulder is still touching his.  
If Castiel was brave, he would touch the back of Dean's hand with his own in the hope of Dean intertwining their fingers, but because he is not he clears is throat again and angles his body so he is facing Dean, breaking their touch.  
Startled by the sudden movement, Dean looks up at him, startled, having been lost in thought.

His lips are moving and it’s clear he's trying to communicate with Cas, but the music and noise around them keeps getting louder and Cas cannot understand a word he's saying.

"What?!," he shouts and Dean starts gesturing, which has Cas tilt his head in confusion. Rolling his eyes, Dean grabs his hand and pulls Cas with him as he makes his way through the crowd towards the glass door that leads into the luxurious garden.

The cool air makes Cas shiver, but he is grateful to have escaped the overheated living room. He's even more grateful when Dean steps closer to rub his arms in an attempt to keep him warm.

"Sorry, man. We can go back inside if you're too cold, I just thought it would be nice to actually hear a word the other's saying."

Cas looks down at Dean's hand that are still running up and down his arms and smiles.

"It's fine, Dean. I'm glad to be able to hear you."

He is rewarded with a blush that has his smile growing even wider.

"So," he asks, trying to finally move on to stable conversation ground that leaves no room for the weird in-between-silences they constantly stumble upon.  
"What have you been up to, Dean?"

This seems to be the wrong question, because Dean ducks his head and the easy smile on his face grows sheepish as he shrugs.

"Not much, ya know," he says. "Trying to figure out what I want. Internships here, some unsalaried work there. Can't really leave town with Mom and Sammy here, but I'll figure something out. College seems kinda off the table right now, but I'm sure there's something out there for me."

He bites his lip and shrugs, before asking: "What about you, Mr. Top of the class? What are you doing?"

Now it's Cas' turn to shrug, running a hand through his hair.  
"I am studying journalism. I always wanted to do that. I just feel like it's what I am meant to do.  
Not talking about pop culture or anything like that ... I don't know if you remember, but I was never any good at that."  
Dean's chuckle lets Cas know he does remember.  
"I want to give the people a voice who don't feel like they will ever be heard. I want to help them let the world know that they're here and that their opinions are valid and that they deserve to be acknowledged. That their point of view has to be considered, because I want us to live in a society that serves everyone and not just a few privileged people. I want to shine a light on issues in our political system and the way we treat each other in our everyday lives. I want to somehow make the world a better place, if only a little."

He trails off, smiling sheepishly at his passionate outburst.

"That is amazing, Cas," Dean says, his voice sounding a little hoarse and when Cas looks at him his shoulders are hunched and his smile is no longer happy.  
Cas immediately starts repeating his speech in his brain, trying to come up with something he phrased wrong that might have hurt or offended Dean, but a gentle hand on his shoulder brings his spiraling thoughts to a screeching halt.  
Their eyes meet and not for the first time Cas is enraptured by the beauty of the man in front of him and the way he lays bare his vulnerability without fear, just by looking at Cas.

"It's nothing you said, Cas," Dean assures and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of Cas' shoulders.  
"In fact this," he gestures at his own face and the sadness of its features, "should not be your concern and I'm sorry it came up to ruin your night."  
Dean swallows harshly and Cas doesn't even dare protest the fact that Dean thinks his pain is an inconvenience, afraid the other man might stop talking entirely.  
"It's just ... You seem to know exactly what you want to do with your life. You know your path like its already been paved, just waiting to be tread on. And here I am and I got nothing. I have no clue where I am headed, not even the hint of a direction. I have all these choices and I am incapable of making one and god, maybe that means I don't deserve them."  
Dean snaps is mouth shut in a harsh, almost violent movement.  
"New Year's Resolution: Quit whining and shut the hell up."  
His eyes -now emotionless and empty- meet Cas' again and when he speaks his voice is hollow.  
"Sorry about that, didn't mean to dump that on you, man. Let's go find your friends, before I ruin your night any further."

Cas stops Dean by grabbing his wrist, before he can walk away from him.  
He doesn't want to know how long Dean has been dealing with all this pent up anxiety on his own when he blurts it out to a practical stranger.

"It's fine, Dean," he begins and talks right over Dean's scoff of disbelief, "sometimes it's easiest to talk to people who are not that involved in our lives. I know it’s sometimes hard to remember, but you don't have to worry about failing or not being good enough, because you are. You are enough.

Besides I only know what I want, because I didn't have unwanted opinions forced upon me every step I took. You've always gotten input from everybody around you. They all seemed to have tons of ideas about what you should do with your life. It's no wonder you struggle finding your own voice, when you have a choir of other people's thoughts drowning it out."

By now Dean is looking a little choked up and Cas' smiles nervously wondering if his speech was too much. Apparently he still doesn’t really know how to talk to people when this is what he deems appropriate for a party conversation.

"Thanks Cas," Dean's eyes are shining, but with gratitude rather than tears and Cas takes pride in being the one enabling that change. “I’m really glad we met today.”

"So am I Dean. And please don't beat yourself up about this. Everybody progresses in their own time. You're not late, because you don't know what you want yet."

They sit in silence after that. Cas is looking at the sky again. The clouds have broken, the stars are finally visible and not for the first time is Cas enchanted by their infinity.  
The final minutes of the year are quickly passing by, but Cas doesn't mind the fact that he's spending them out here beneath the sky instead of inside where the party continues to rage on.  
All this time Dean doesn't say a word and when Cas drops his gaze to check if the man is still beside him, he finds Dean watching him with a soft look on his face and a warmth in his eyes that has his face heating up.

"What? What is it?," he asks, worried that his silent stargazing reminded Dean of what a weirdo he was in Highschool and wondering if he's looking for a polite way to excuse himself to return to the mansion's living room.

The door to the garden opens and people are streaming out, flooding the space, getting ready to watch the firework, but Dean doesn't break eye contact.  
Their faces are only inches apart and Cas feels his breath quicken and his heart beat fasten.

"You are amazing," Dean whispers and for a moment his eyes flicker to Cas' lips, "You are kind and passionate and incredibly smart and I wish I'd had the courage to talk to you sooner. I mean really talk to you. Back when we were in school I chickened out every time I tried."

Dean drops his gaze again, but this time he looks at his feet and his shoulders slump as if he just admitted to a crime, leaving Cas more confused than ever.  
Doesn't Dean know that Cas cherished their talks and that they were the only reasons he looked forward to the classes he did not share with any of his few friends?  
It was Cas who wasn't brave enough to keep the conversation flowing by moving the subject to anything non-school related even though he knew that Dean hated having to sit still and suffer through lessons that mostly didn't interest him and was probably not keen on having to talk about it.

When he says as much, Dean looks at him like he's grown a second head and Cas realizes that no, Dean doesn't know.

"I thought you didn't know what to do with me," Dean confesses, "not that I blamed you or anything. You were always so driven and focused and I behaved like a fumbling idiot every time I was near you."

All Cas can do is shake his head in disbelief.

"You were the fumbling idiot? I could barely get a word out whenever you were close to me and as soon as you walked away I beat myself up about all the things I could've said to you. Would've said to you if only I had been a little braver."

Dean's eyes are full of hope and wonder when he asks: "Like what?"

Cas smiles, replaying all his dreams and fantasies of how he wanted to ask Dean out.  
"Stupid things. Silly hopes of a teenager harboring his first crush."

There. He said it out loud. He had a crush on Dean Winchester. Still has.

"What did you hope for?" Dean asks, obviously refusing to let Cas off the hook. If possible he is even closer now. Their shoulders are touching and so are their hips and it makes Cas feel giddy and fearless, so for the first time in his life he says what his teenage-self swore to take to his grave.

10

The countdown starts and Cas decides that this is what he wants to take into the new decade.  
He is not going to be ashamed.  
He is going speak his mind.  
And he is going to be brave.

9

"That you would kiss me."

8

The smile on Dean's face must be the most beautiful thing Cas has ever laid eyes on. It seems impossible that he should be the one to cause the incredible happiness radiating from the beautiful man by his side.

7

"Do you still want to?"

6

Even though Cas is the one who just revealed the feelings he'd kept secret for years, Dean asks the question like he can't believe Castiel would agree.

5

Dean may be hesitant, but Cas is not. Not anymore.  
He will be brave from now on.

4

"I do," he says.

3

He grabs Dean by the collar and pulls him closer.

2

"Is this okay?"

1

A nod and smile is all Cas needs.

0

He crushes their mouths together as the sky above lights up with colors and cheers and laughter welcome the new year.

If this is how the year begins, he cannot wait for what else it has in store.


End file.
